new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Send help, water and tortillas.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
