i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
