im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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