And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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