you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
