yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
we should paint friendship bongs
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
