he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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