i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
should my penis look like a turkey
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
