she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
