If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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