honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i will never coherently bang her
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
