i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
