sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
