How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
