i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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