I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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