You were right. It hurts to walk today.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
