I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
