She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
