Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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