She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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