Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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