THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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