in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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