Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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