i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
