I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize