Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
