and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
