I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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