im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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