the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
