That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
