Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
