PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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