Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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