I am in a vortex of obligation.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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