So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
