U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
