wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
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