Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
