So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
