I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
