Everything about him screamed your future.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
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