i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
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