It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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