your room smells of hookers.
And success
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
