i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
So here I am, sexting at work.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
