I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
