YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Operation Purity has been aborted
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
