That's intense
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Randomize
