I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
