He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
tell your sister to shave her snatch
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
