Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
