I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
