I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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