ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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