I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize