Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize