Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize