I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Vodka?
Forever.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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