If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Actions speak louder than pants.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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