You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
