Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize