I'm laying in your front yard are you home
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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