just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize