there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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