I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
