I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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