So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
