Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
