***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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