we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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