We need to rekindle our bromance
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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